3/29/26
" in a few day, ill be taking my leave for japan! i'm pretty nervous about the 16 hour flight, but other than that, i'm excited as japan's fashion industry is a very big leap from america's. some stores, especially lolita, don't exist much here and i don't want to spend so much on tarrifs. (˶˃ ᗜ ˂˶)!!
i'm looking forward to the evangelion store in tokyo and laforet harajuku. and trying omurice for the first time. this store is so cute.
and i'll forget everything.
current mental state: stressed as fuck in different intervals, neutral. -3pts paranoia.
sorry for venting, i have just nowhere else. my chest hurts. life feels so unfair and uncertain. i hate this but i have no room to spill everything out. theres not a rigth time for that lmao. cant i be loved again?
this is the lowest point of my life.
its embarassing to come here over and over but really, i have nowhere.
but whats the use in being sad all the time? i was told if i feel horrible, i could write three things that make me happy. 1. im happy that i've made it this far. 2. im happy im not being destructive. 3. im happy for the friends ive made along the way.
anyway, life updates done. its time to calm down lollll ◝(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)◜ my therapist gave me a distorted thinking chart, gonna work on that a bit. "
3/14/26
" in my previous life i must have done something wrong to explain wny this one is going up to falmes. something is ON me and itscausing eveyrhting, this journal i smy safee haven right now
i will manifest very hard that my nexxt life wont be like this one. i am a firm beleiever that your current life is a product of your past selve's wants and judgement, therefore, if i keep wishing, it will be true. "
2/23/26
" my birthday came by a few days ago and i do not feel any different at all, however, i'm happy to say i now have my own copy of the dsm-5 along with a book on paraphilias. new ramble idea? heheee ( ˆ𐃷ˆ) .ᐟ.ᐟ
i'm very thankful to my friends and my lovely girlfriend. a handful of heartwarming paragraphs... ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) every time people tell me how they feel about me, or even just giving me a small 'happy bday', i get so giddy because i never would've thought i meant that much to people. what's it called? bad object permenance? the LIKING GAP?
i love my friends. i want to put them in my pockets and have them collect dust. " 
2/3/26
" been consistently nauseous for about 3-5 days. stress? on the verge of mental vomit... update: just vomitted " 
1/28/26
" i get so nervous by the idea of talking to new peopple. i really want to make friends here, or at least have more moots, but it's so nerve wracking. i am pretty comfortable with having a few select people to talk to every day, just don't want my days to feel that empty.
gf gifted me the bully game ( i screamed ) so i plan to play that after work and then i gotta post the gallery page soon.... that is, if i even draw. my ocs have been holding dust for over a week. "
1/26/26
" i already have the essentials to my lolita wardrobe, even a moi-meme-moitie jsk. the only obstacle thats left is to overcome wearing it out in public. the thing is, i live in an area full of obnoxious boys that laugh to each other whenever they see an alternative person wearing more than black jackets and jeans. so scary.... (-_- " ) i wish to have the confidence. im going to japan soon, maybe there i can try. whenever i look in the mirror while in my coords, i feel euphoric, cute even. an other being.
making pages for my site soon, still need to collect photos. "
?
" life feels like that img of squidward looking out the window whenever neocities wont let me comment.
and nothings' been happening recently. i'm getting into games though! one being bully: scholarship edition from 2008. i should start setting up a page of my favorite games and books.
bully is outdated but it manages to be one of the funniest game ive gotten into. a rebelious teen named jimmy hopkins goes in to some boarding school, and he meets some pretty wild characters. i cant say much though, as i only just finished watching chapter 1 of like a nine hour playthrough (-_- ") but one thing i do want to say is jimmy reminds me a lot about holden caulfield from catcher in the rye. jimmy hopkins son or holden caulfeild daughter...
DAMN IT i need to start drawing, my ocs are being neglected. also according to this test, i align with freud. that's a nightmare. " 
1/21/26 
" html pisses me off. sorry for anyone who stumbles upon this, there's nothing interesting here for now. i do want to say, i'm proud of myself for putting in the effort, esepecially because i've been procrastinating for months. and now i did it!
anyway, aside from that. shoutout to my gf jackie. shoutout to my bestfriend and one of my inspos, shoutout to other people such as my irls and onlines. i promise you, while you're not listed here, just know i think of you... i'm way too tired of this website, energy is gone. "
